2023, Wrapped
It’s time for a retrospective.
I can’t be the only person who does this; have a retrospective of the year. I love setting goals and making plans, but many of those things get lost in the progression of time throughout the year. Therefore, around this time of year, I like to retro myself to take stock of where we went right and wrong.
The important part of that sentence is focusing on “right” first. I wouldn’t say I apply a full retro structure to my personal end of year check in, but even when I was a struggling project manager, I always focussed on the achievements first. It’s important to remember, especially when you’re talking to yourself, that you made the best decisions at the time with the data you had. You did the best you could.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve stopped setting goals; I more set directions. Atomic Habits really changed me in that respect. I still believe in the power of a good goal, but I also believe that the fun is in the progression, and we never really know when we’ve arrived. In this sense, life is a continuum broken down into years. So again, as I’ve aged (oh lord, make it stop), I’ve stopped being so hard on myself about analysing the year because (hopefully) next year will be there too.
So here’s how I do it.
I make a list in January of all the things I want to focus on in a year. It’s time to dig this back out
I RAG my list - Red, no progress. Amber, in motion. Green, done.
For all of the red items, I go back and reflect on whether or not this means anything to me.
I start a new list, re-ordering the things on the list. This is always where I add amendments.
The amendments are important. I’ve had my list in one notebook for the last few years, and it’s interesting to see how they’ve changed. The obligatory “lose weight” has changed significantly for me over the years. Yep, a couple of years ago I did go on a weight loss journey. Now, even as I sit here still describing myself as “chunky and funky”, it’s more about a fitness journey.
I’ve struggled with my body image for my whole life. I don’t know many people who haven’t. I’ve spent so much time focussing on it and worrying about what other people think that I’ve lost too much time to the endless chasing of something that isn’t attainable for someone who likes chips as much as I do. And fuck it, for what?
So revision is important, and it’s important to keep these in your line of sight because (for me anyway) it’s important to see how far you’ve come. I no longer chase a random number on a scale, which means nothing relative to my achievements. I lift weights; I’m chasing kilos on a deadlift; it’s a new, but significantly more powerful, random number for me.
Goal setting is a funny thing because it usually comes from a place of “I want to make myself less bad” rather than “I want to make myself better”. As it’s December, I urge you to spend some time thinking about the way you talk to yourself and the types of goals you set yourself before the arrival of the “New Year, New Me” season.
This year has been a bit of a wild one for me personally. I’ve learnt a lot about what I like, what I don’t like, and what I absolutely cannot stand. So when I look back at the shit (quite frankly) I wrote on a list in January, I find it funny to reflect on what January Lamps thought of herself.
If you’re starting your retrospective, bear this in mind. You are your best friend; you have to be. Yes, you may be lucky enough to have wonderful friends and family who are always by your side and fighting your corner. But you really only do have yourself when all is said and done. Would you have written that list of goals for your best friend? Would you talk to your sister like that? Would you let anyone write that list for you?
Self-kindness is such a hard skill, but it’s necessary to be the best version of yourself for all the people around you who care. I want to write something short about my retrospective process because, honestly, if I’d written this last year, it would have been a monologue about how useless I was. How I set 100 goals and only ever achieve 30% because I’m lazy and undisciplined.
Discipline is more important than motivation. Maybe that’s a topic for January. The fact is that if you’re setting yourself goals that you’re not progressing, it’s because you don’t care. It’s because they’re not important. Perhaps the key to your happiness isn’t losing 20 kilos. It’s accepting that you’re powerful, wonderful, strong and beautiful exactly the way you are. Ok, so I’m drifting into self-help… but you know it’s Christmas. Christmas is stressful, so just be kinder to yourself.
When I look back at what January Lamps thought our year would be like, I kinda laugh. For the most part, we’re on the same track, but the language is different. Yep, I still have fitness and career goals; yep, they’re still broadly the same. Yep, I’m progressing with them, even if I’m moving in a completely different direction now.
So, when you look back at your 2023 wrapped, don’t just judge the outcomes. Reflect on how far you’ve come and how much you’ve grown. Most importantly, give yourself a break. And stop setting goals that you don’t give a shit about just because you think you should. Try something fun instead.
