Most advice is absolute trash; here’s some more for you to ignore
Let’s not fuck about; we haven’t got all day.
1. Work with the eyebrows you have, not the eyebrows you want.
As a millennial, I’m old enough to remember the time when we all plucked the living shit out of our eyebrows. I’m not sure why we did it. We also wore skirts over cargo pants.
Anyway, I’m not sure my eyebrows recovered from the early 00s. We’ve since endured many more eyebrow trends, but the point is that the ones you have on your face are yours and probably the best for you.
You can bend, flex and shape yourself to be whoever you want (and have whatever eyebrows you’d like), but long-term, it’ll backfire. Whether it’s a cool new trend or bending yourself to fit into a team or culture that’s not for you, please don’t do it; you’ll likely regret it. If you do go for it and rip those eyebrows off, go in understanding that you can’t control all the outcomes, and you have to go with the flow. Those eyebrows probably won’t grow back; you’ll never get the time you spent battling against the wind back. Be kind to yourself and respect who you are.
Authenticity over everything, always.
2. Don’t take everything so personally.
There’s a great book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Commitments, and whilst I could say, “I have no advice, read this book”, that wouldn’t be great for content, would it?
The second commitment is not to take anything personally, and man, it sat with me. Accepting that the universe isn’t out to get you and that life is unfair gives you a beautiful sense of release. Like everyone else, you are just out here trying your best with what you have. Moreover, the things people say and do come from places within them that aren’t really about you. Often, when we say things that are critical of others, we’re speaking from a place of our own insecurity. When you learn this, you 1) stop saying that shit to other people and 2) stop taking crap other people say to you so personally.
3. Trust your gut - but make sure you have the data.
There’s a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System. It’s a tiny bundle of stuff in your brain stem that controls the flow of your focus. It essentially takes all of the stimuli coming in through your senses and decides what you focus on. It also helps you form patterns.
When people talk about gut decisions, looking for signs, trusting fate, etc, the scientific explanation is that their RAS is telling them something is worth paying attention to. It does this because your brain loves patterns. It’s kinda like, “Hey, look at that. You should totally do that.” Only often, it’s an unconscious process.
Trust that feeling, and learn to live with it. It’ll often mean that you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. If you start following the patterns and taking the cues, you’ll start pushing yourself in ways your conscious brain doesn’t really like. Your decision-making conscious brain (your frontal lobe) doesn’t like being uncomfortable; it doesn’t like the risk. That’s why you can typically talk yourself out of stuff. Stop doing that.
So do the thing, but here’s the kicker: collect data. Do the thing; see what happens. If you like it, keep doing it. If you don’t, stop. You know what’s right and wrong for you; trust yourself and back yourself.
4. The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house - Audre Lorde.
There are 4 parts to this;
Read the book
Fight the power if you’re operating in a system that wasn’t built for you. Be kind to yourself, though, because the fight is a hard one
Don’t be part of the master’s house. Do not apply their bullshit rules
Don’t be a bystander
Basically, for anyone who isn’t a male presenting white man, you’re gonna be on the back foot in most of the situations you find yourself in. You do not need to play by their rules to get ahead; don’t stoop to this level.
Don’t apply these rules to others, and don’t catch yourself writing “needs to be more outspoken and confident” in performance reviews because not everyone needs to behave like a man to get ahead. Don’t watch someone else get torn down by the bullshit rules, call it out. Don’t be a constant victim, but don’t stand for bullshit and don’t watch anyone else get shit on either.
5. Spend time thinking about your values to stop being utterly miserable.
Do the Brene Brown thing; it takes like 20 minutes. Burnout isn’t often physical; it’s usually emotional. When I’ve been close to burnout, I;ve been in situations that didn’t align with my values. When you’re fighting for what you believe in, in a context where this will never work, it feels like you’re a fish cycling through mud. Only one person suffers: you.
My values are authenticity and fairness. I do not tolerate situations where I am expected or asked to be someone other than myself. I am strongly biased towards fairness and justice, so if I think something is unfair or wrong, I will burn everything to the ground before I shut up. If I’m in a situation where no one else gives a shit about fairness, I will burn myself into the ground, and nothing will change - this is burnout.
Work out who you are, then seek out situations, people (and employers, OMG) who operate in similar or adjacent value paths and build incredible things together. Don’t waste your energy trying to bail water out of a sinking ship.
6. Sugar makes your hangovers so much worse.
Trust me. You’re getting a hangover if you binge drink; you’re getting a much worse hangover if you binge drink vodka and coke. I have extensively A/B tested this one. Just accept the advice.
7. Look after your teeth.
They don’t grow back, you know. This is just good sense.
Also related to the above, 6+7 is why I only drink slimline tonic, which seems specifically British. There is no greater joy than returning to the UK and seeing the 3-pin plug on the Heathrow Express or asking for a “gin and slim” in a bar and people knowing what you mean. Bliss. Home.
8. It’s not how people treat you when you’re useful to them that matters; it’s how they show up when you’re not.
I agree with Arnie; whatever you are, be useful. If there’s a way I can do something for you or help you out, I will always try to do that. I have often thought that most people are the same, but sadly, that is not the case.
Be careful with people who don’t have to be nice to you, like bosses. Of course, you’re useful now, but they’ll yeet you under a bus the minute they don’t need you, so make sure you take what you can when it’s available to you.
You can also judge them by how they do this to others if you’re lucky enough to see it. Take the opportunity and do the thing, but don’t be under any illusion that you’re different. You can also judge people by how they treat people they don’t have to be nice to; I do not hang out with douchebags who are horrible to wait staff.
Don’t be this person. Ever.
9. Control the controllable
You can’t control everything. There’s not a lot you can control. Give yourself a break. I could easily have changed this out for “stop reading the news”, but it’s a bit more than that.
You want to be happy? Stop trying to control everything; it’s tiring, and you’ll end up frustrated.
10. Get more protein and eat your veggies.
Most people don’t eat enough protein; it should be about 35% of every meal. You need more protein than you think if you want to feel full and maintain your muscle mass.
Eat more veggies. Even if you’re eating loads, you can stand to add some more. Go for variety and colour, and always eat seasonally. Get your protein from plants for a double win.
